Monday, April 20, 2009

WAY Off Topic...

I usually just write about my smallish world of landscape-related things but this was too good to pass up. My wife, Lin, forward this, no doubt due to my impending retirement from my 21 year gig at the City of Santa Barbara...

Here ya kinda humor.

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Walmart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends.... it will be their Laugh for the day!


Monica the Garden Faerie said...

Good gravy, Billy, next thing we know, you'll be writing about houseplants, kittens, and quilting! Brace yourself! (Seriously, I thought the post was hilarious; sarcasm is a good trait and I notice it gets stronger the older I get. I can totally see my SIL having made up this conversation, too!)

Anonymous said...

Retirement! After 21 years with the City of Santa Barbara! Well congratulations Billy!

FlickrFriend pawightm said...

Oh, my god! My sides ache from laughing. (I'm retired and have nothing better to do than read stuff like this.)

I discovered this site by way of the garden groups on Flickr. That was not adequate preparation for what I found here.

A day without laughter is another day closer to death. Thanks for the laugh.